Negative interactions can have a positive impact.
One of the most powerfully impactful events in my life stems from when I was the driver of a negative interaction. Without thinking, I insulted a friend. I don’t know how much offense my friend took to the insult, but it hurt me to have said it. I wasn’t sure what drove me to say what I did, but it happened and I couldn’t take it back.
If you have a bad experience, how do you frame it in a positive way? What can you learn? The immediate impact of my insult was clearly negative and I could have made the decision to leave it at that. I doubt anyone would have given it a second thought. Rather, something about the interaction had me in a headspace where that didn’t make sense – whether it was a search for understanding or a better outcome, I wanted more. In his book, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, Mark Manson writes:
“There is a simple realization from which all personal improvement and growth emerges. This is the realization that we, individually, are responsible for everything in our lives, no matter the external circumstances. We don’t always control what happens to us. But we always control how we interpret what happens to us, as well as how we respond. Whether we consciously recognize it or not, we are always responsible for our experiences. It’s impossible not to be. Choosing to not consciously interpret events in our lives is still an interpretation of the events of our lives.”
When we experience something, the way we respond will shape the outcome. Learning from the experience and framing that growth as part of the impact is just one way to shape the impact from a negative event into something positive. Insulting a friend, which may seem trivial, woke me up to who I am in the world. I couldn’t undo the negative event, but I chose to alter the outcome. I chose to change how I interacted with the world to be more conscious and purposeful in creating positive ripples. My experience is a constant reminder for me to be aware of the impact I leave on the world through the ripples my interactions create.
I saw my friend about a year and a half after the incident and apologized to them. To my shock I had to recount what happened – they didn’t remember the moment and they didn’t think twice about it when it occurred. I was speechless: an overwhelmingly formative moment in my life was one that was inconsequential for someone else. This experience created another ripple in my foundation: any action can affect the course of someone’s life no matter how inconsequential that event may be, positive or negative. In my case, I was able to shape a negative interaction into one of my most positively formative experiences.
